Today I was thinking about some of the things men have said to me, and about the gigantic gulf between what men say to women, and what they actually mean. So I decided to write this little key. I'm sure men will continue to lie to me much, much more, so call it a work in progress.
"I really like you" = "I want to see you naked"
"You're special to me" = "I really want to see you naked"
"I believe the Mayans were right" = "I'm deep. Please sleep with me"
"Being with you makes me think about the future" = "You are not in it"
"I don't believe in relationships" = "I don't believe in having a relationship with you"
"I love how you're so opinionated" = "I am threatened by you"
"You're so intelligent" = "Butterface"
"I've never done this before" = "I've lost count of the number of times I've done this"
"I'm aware I haven't treated you well" = "I'm aware. I'm not sorry"
"I'm sorry if you think I behaved like a cunt" = "I'm still not sorry"
"You're such a great person" = "You're dumped"
"It's not you, it's me" = "It's not you, it's me. I'm a bellend"